yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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