I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Randomize
