I hope mine doesn't look like that
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
