I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
are you so shy because you have an std?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
