have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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