I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
