you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My dick has a subreddit
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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