Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
