I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
