Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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