Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
