I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize