He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Found your dick twin last night
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
