Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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