Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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