After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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