just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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