I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
