Just mADE A PArabola og urine
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize