wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
