If i come over, it means nothing
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
