omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
