just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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