Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Randomize
