I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
