i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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