I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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