my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I will be naked everywhere
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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