Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
