I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
