god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Damn victory sex feels great
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