Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
