my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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