4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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