Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
