I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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