I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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