Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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