so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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