I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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