seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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