Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
