That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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