I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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