would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wish they made helmets for livers.
it's like iHOP with fire
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
