Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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