I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
