Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
