the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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