all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
