Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i dont even know how to be here
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
