I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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