She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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