Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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