god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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