Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
