hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
