This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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