Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Is Oprah even human
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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