i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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