just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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