Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You dont lie about slip and slides
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
