remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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