I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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