I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
