Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
