Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
