This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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