I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Found your dick twin last night
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
