i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
