They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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