I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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