the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
