Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
