ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
