my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
