if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
