the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
