I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
